Greg, Urine Trouble Now!

I helped an old man take a piss the other day at work. It was thoroughly traumatizing, presumably to both parties.

It happened as I was leaving the bathroom at work. There was an old guy in a wheelchair with his assistant, right outside the door. Being the good gent that I am, I held the door open for him while his assistant wheeled him into the bathroom, thinking this would be the extent of my responsibilities. Turns out I was wrong, because afterwards the lady tells him she couldn't go in there with him, and if you didn't know already, I am a male.

Funny how traumatizing events happen so quickly, because next thing I know the door is shutting behind me and I'm standing in the bathroom with an old man. He asks me to help him up so he could walk to the toilet, so I do, thinking this would be the extent of my responsibilities. But here's the kicker, and oh, what a fine kicker it is - the guy could hardly stand - hence the wheelchair. Which meant the only way this guy could take a piss is if I propped him up.

Did I mention how funny it is that traumatizing events happen so quickly? Because next thing you know, I'm propping this guy up by the toilet while he starts to extrapolate his weiner from his pants. Then comes the groans. Oh the groans. Maybe it was a kidney stone, maybe it was old age, maybe it was both, but this guy would let out a little squirt, followed by a long groan, followed by another little squirt, followed by an even louder groan, followed by another little squirt, you get the fucking picture. He was shaking, groaning, yelling out "fuck, fuck, fuck" I'm not making this up.

Finally he was done so I led him back to his wheelchair, and this is when I ask him, "Sir, is it okay if you don't wash your hands?". Because I'll be fucking damned, right? He replies, "Nah, fuck washing my hands, get me out of here". And that's that.