Meaningless banter

When you're really familiar with something, tiny differences render exponential results. Because there is something about routine that makes life feel completely pointless. It's like carrying around a brick of shit tied to a leash everywhere you go. It can't walk, you gotta drag it, it smells bad, sometimes you back up and step on it, and at the end of the day you look at your piece of shit and think, "Why am I carrying this around?". There is no point. And so do I feel with routine.

If I lived everyday the same as the last, I am excited by nothing. Surprised by nothing. I'm merely living for the variables, the details that change from day to day, which are fleeting and equal nothing in the grande scheme of things.

But then it occured to me that I had it wrong, or mostly wrong. What does the grande scheme of things matter?

People in general are terrible at seeing the big picture. We live in a linear society, where the average person moves from detail to detail in order to see any peice of this infinite puzzle. Yet when it comes to finding meaning, people want the big picture. So we dream of big electrons in the sky and dudes with beards sitting on clouds playing chess, and I wonder, were the details not enough?

I guess few truly know what it means to stop and smell the roses. Fuckit, feel them too. Take a pedal, stick it in your mouth and chew on it. Rub them on your nipples. It's something different. My point is, finding meaning in life is hard, it takes skill to be happy.

My first step towards a hint of personal serentiy was to admit that life was ultimately meaningless. How's that for irony. I've always wondered why people asked what the meaning of life was, as if there was one singular meaning stamped into the sky for all of us to read. It's common for people to think their subjective opinions stand for all, and some people will go crazy trying to amend their own personal philosophies with a cold and uncaring universe.

An ultimately meaningless life is scary for most, to me its like reading a choose your own adventure novel. With no objective meaning I get to create my own. It's alot harder, maybe I could read a 2000 year old book and take on someone else's, but for now I'll do it by myself.

It's all in the details.