Awight Awready

I'm sitting here in the library at school. Before I sat down I had about an hour to kill, so I went to the librarian to ask how I would go about procuring some books written by Bertrand Russel, cuz ya know I'm like really really intelligent... She whispers something to me completely unintelligable. So I say, "excuse me?". Once again she mutters something in wookie talk, so I pause and politely say, "I'm sorry I'm having trouble hearing you". She gets this impatient, offended look on her face and finally says, "PAPERBACK OR HARDCOVER?". I'd go on about the rest of our conversation but its really not necessary.

Instead, I'm gonna say here what I really wanted to say to her face at that moment. Look ya feline-hording, man-hating, dildo-collecting, post-menopausal, leather-faced bag of douche: if I can't understand you, WHO'S PROBLEM IS THAT? Why would you ever get mad at me? How is it my fault that I can't understand you because putting together syllables and consonants is some kind hurdle of olympic proportions?

Maybe if I was hard of hearing I could share some responsibility. But I'm young, nubile, and healthy of the ears. I could hear two flies fucking in my sleep.

This is seriously an issue of mine. Don't you hate it when someone mumbles something, so you ask them to repeat it, and they mumble it again, so you ask them to repeat it, then they get furious and fucking scream it at you. As if their careless mumbling was your problem. It happens to me all the time and it makes me want to burn down a nursury.

And this is all coming from someone who mumbles profusely. My laziness extends far beyond my unwillingness to do shit that requires walking or heavy breathing. I'm too lazy to pronounce. When I was little I had a BB gun, and I would call it a "Wed Wider" instead of a "Red Rider". But at least I'm aware of this so if someone can't hear me, I accept responsibility and repeat myself in a more articulate manner. And if they still can't understand me, I'll just mumble super loud and hope they're privy enough to get general idea of what I'm trying to say. But I would never get angry at the fuckin person.

Don't do this people. If someone can't hear you, it's your fault. Unless they're your grandparents or something. Then it's probably their fault. Ar-tic-u-late. Stupid Wibrarian.