Why do the Mexicans get to be called Jesus?

I dunno about you guys but I'd never blow myself up for God. It just seems so, I don't know... Amibitious and opposed to my slackerdom? Even if I felt suicidal and planned to end myself anyways, I think I'd prefer a good old fashioned rope and choke over this blowing my shit to pieces bit. Call me timid. And I don't know, call me skeptical, but I can't help to think of the slight possibility that maybe there aren't 72 virgins waiting to fuck my disfragmented brains out in some afterlife. It does sound sorta too good to be true.

If someone came up to me and was like, "Hey Greg, there are 5 hot chics waiting in your room to fuck you", I'd be like, "Hahaha shutup you silly goose. Now lemme get a bite of your sandwich". Wouldn't believe it for a second. But tell Habib with some clear-your-fukin-throat last name that there's 72 VIRGINS tailor fitted to his tallywack and he's like, "fuck where do I sign up?". Might there be some gullibility issues?

And I know I've bitched about this stuff before. Never fails to astound me though - how someone can listen to some other guy just like them say something, and then think to themselves yes that is true. Just like that. Oh yeah, then they blow their shit up. Imagine that.

Nobody knows what happens when we die. Nobody knows whether or not God exists. It's all bullshit. We're all just guessing. Nobody fucking knows. It's what bugs me about religion. Catholicism for example. They claim to know. And the whole organization is set up to give their figures the false illusion of authority.

The Pope is the same person he was before he was the Pope. He didn't change, his status in life did. He's some dude. And at Church there's that guy who stands in front of the crowd, dressed up in doilys and robes and whatnot... Yeah, he's just some dude. He's not some super duper holy figure, he may know some Latin jibber jabber but he jerks off and eats tacos like the rest of us. And you know those wafers they feed ya in the middle of mass? They're just fucking wafers. They may talk about the transmutation, how its the body of Christ, blah blah blah. It looks like a wafer. It smells like a wafer. It tastes like a wafer. Its a wafer. They sell them in jugs you can buy them at Costco.

People invest way too much into symbolism when it's exactly that. Symbolism. It just stands for something but it isn't that something. Yeah sure, symbolism is a wonderful artistic and creative instrument but there are times when we just need to skip the clutter and get to the butter. Ya know? Like, wouldn't it be nice for once if the priest came out and said,

"Do you love Jesus?"

And the audience replied, "Yes"

And the priest replied, "Great. Give a bum a dollar. I"m gonna go smoke a cigarette"

So brilliantly fucking simple it makes me smile. That's all it takes. And priests need to get paid more. Jesus, they gave up sex for this shit.