I want a dog

That's it. I want a fucking puppy. I need a little puppy that can share with me in my lonliness. And I want one that looks like he's sad all the time. This is very crucial. I don't know what it is about sadness but girls are hot when they cry and puppies are friggin adorable when they look sad. Fucking adorable. Like two babies hugging. Or Jonbenet Ramsey. But of course he'd be a happy dog. He wouldn't actually be sad, he'd just look sad because his face would be kinda chubby ya know? So he'd be like some old guy at IHOP who looks like he's frowning but he's not, he's just reading the paper but his cheekfat pulls the sides of his lips down.

I'd feed him Pedigree, only the best, and if he was really good I'd give him a strip or two of bacon. Don't worry I'd cook it first. You fucking germ-o-phobe.

My dad doesn't want me getting a dog though. He says all I'll wanna do is play with it but when it comes to cleaning up shit n piss I'll disown it. He's right. Fuckin a man. They invented seedless watermelons but they still can't invent a dog that doesn't shit and piss. Worthless peons.