Hello once again Children.

People tell me I need to eat more, not because I'm skinny or anything but I because treat eating like a chore. Sometimes I'll look at food like its trying to kill me. Or I haven't even started on my plate and I'll be treating it's contents like my girlfriend and she just asked me to eat her out even though I thought we were done with that whole "I'm here to pleasure you" phase of the relationship. And I know what you're thinking too. You're thinking, "Geez Greg cry me a fucking river. I'm a fatass because I can't stop eating and here you are talking about how you eat for substanance as oppose to delight or curing your post-partum depression".

Yeah... so. It's embarrassing being out-eaten by a chic. Or having my friends clown on me because I'm in pain after a jumbo jack and a cup of water. Right now I had half a burrito and I wish I were never born. It is this feeling in my stomach, this very feeling right now, that made me broach this subject. You think you know, but you don't know. As beautifully carved as my body is, you don't want it. Not unless you can remodel my digestive system. It hurts right now.

But moving on from all that negative energy. I thought of a brilliant invention today for public bathrooms all across America. It's a simple, inexpensive device to help put a calm to the overall tension that may arise from some restroom atmospheres. It's purpose is quite simple.

See, bathroom silence is killer. I don't know how many times I've walked into the bathroom along with another man, only to be hanging with our cocks out in a particularly uncomfortable silence while we wait for urine to come out. Sometimes I'll be thinking, "God I hope he doesn't start peeing before me", being that it's me and I've always got to be FIRST FIRST FIRST! But just thinking that gives me performance jitters and sometimes I choke under pressure. It's the silence that sparks these retarded thoughts.

So I've invented the Tinkler. It's basically a mountable mini-foundtain that may be placed on the wall or anywhere in the bathroom to give off a splish-splashy sound. Not only does this splish-splashy sound encourage the urination process but it also helps people urinate in comfort. No longer will bathroom silence make people feel as if they had to talk about the weather or Micheal Jackson, etc.

Or they could always install a radio or something.