Rhymes with Prad Bitt

This is for you, ladies.

I headed over to the usual Starbucks in Westwood to study for finals. This particular Starbucks is smack next to the Village theater, which is just swank enough to be home to many a movie premier. To my utter surprise, it was the premier of Mr. And Mrs. Smith. Ya know, that movie with that one dude and that one chic.

So I'm romping around trying to find parking in this godforsaken place – focusing like a Buddhist monk to keep from creaming the car in front of me, as there were many cuties walking about, damn near crawling out of the trees and bushes to see, ya know, that one dude. I park my bitch up and head over to Starbucks, walking as if I didn’t care that with every footstep I took, I was heading closer to an area where molecules coalesced to make a figure known as Bradd Pitt. And with every breath I took, Bradd Pitt was breathing too.

I took a seat outside Starbucks, which is literally 20 feet from the doors to the Village. The only thing separating Starbucks from the theater were some bushes and dudes with walkie talkies and plugs in their ears. The movie was still going on, likely building up to its climax, sort of like me, building up to mine. Because Bradd Pitt was in there, and at times like these I can’t help to feel like a virgin on prom night with Little Miss Public Vagina.

Regardless I was playing it cool with my face in my book, acting like I didn’t care about celebrity or seeing celebrities, while everyone about me soiled their garments and waved their cameras in the air like Japanese schoolgirls. Then they all start to scream. I jump the fuck up on top of my chair where I had a perfect view of the crowd rolling out of the theatre, and then I hear it, “Braaaad”.

It was him, Brad motherfucking Pitt. He was wearing a leather coat, and that’s all I can remember about his clothes because I was too busy looking at his face and thinking to myself, “wow he has a really nice tan for a white guy”. He walked over to his limo, but not before waving to the crowd like a true champion, and that was that.

Among the other people I saw was Bruce Willis and his kids, that guy who played Angel on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Adam a.k.a Seth from the OC. Yeah V, I thought about ya. Here’s a telepathic image. You like? He was wearing a pink collard shirt btw. Very metro. Very in.

But I didn’t see Angelina and her little Chinese baby. I don't know where she was but I was severely pissed. I guess I’ll just have to pleasure myself to Brad Pitt tonight. Kidding…. He was really tan though.