Sex is in the air.

I love women. Women women women. Oh god, you women and your beautiful, well-moisturized muffs. I would... I would eat you girls alive if that expression didn't turn out to be so damn disgusting if actually tried. You're all like delicious plums. Delicious, juicy, plums... all of you. I want to be the one to remove your little stickers.

Where is this talk of women suddenly coming from? And aren't I supposed to be gay? I don't know, and I don't know, I"m just puppied up and horny as shit after reading Sex's blog and I need to express myself. Usually on this blog I keep the sex talk to a minumum because 1) I am about as emblematic of sex as the Pope and therefore 2) I stick to my area of expertise. I could tell you all about masturbation though.

When I was at Fullerton College I shared a bathroom with 2 other dudes. Both were fairly hairy and looked like chronic masturbaters. I can just tell. To make a long story short, the shower drain was clogged after a mere two weeks. What's worse than an amalgamation of hair and semen for shower drains? A stop plug. That's about it..

Masturbation was my first sexual experience ever. I started off pretty young, second grade to be exact. I'm not embarrased, as a matter of fact, I am going to give my kids pornography around the age of 13 and turn a blind eye to what they do with it. For every minute they lock themselves inside the bathroom, I'll have the security of knowing they're not out there impregnating women. Granted, my bloodline has some pretty good seed to spread but paying child support just isn't worth it man, it just ain't worth it.

And I know what you're thinking ladies. You're thinking, "Oh Greg, you poor little chronic masturbator, pity-fucking poor young chronic masturbators is my exact specialty". Okay, I might just let you have me. Will you cook me breakfast? Look, if you don't cook me breakfast it's a no go. I'm very peculiar about these sort of thing.

I prefer corn beef hash over sausage. Thanks sunshine. Oh that reminds me, eggs sunny side up yeah?

Oh god please someone hold me.