I'm not jealous.

There is this girl in my counseling class who is always happy. She's, ya know, one of those type. Always walking around with a big smile on her face, always laughing and joking, filled with the vibrancy of life. I want to murder her and stick her in the back of my trunk. Okay I'm just kidding, I don't have a trunk, I drive an SUV.

My point still stands. I don't hate Richard Simmons because he's gay, I hate him because he's happy. Too happy. And his curly hair looks like you could build a bird's nest in it. He's an unfashionable happy peppy fuck.

But who can put their finger on precisely what it is that wakens my urge to kill when confronted by these type. Maybe with this particular girl, it's that she has no reason to be that happy. She's not hot, she obviously ate one too many burrito, and unlike the luckier ones, her personality does not make up for her unequivocal lack of aesthetic. She is like my metaphorical Shaqueeta - fat, black and proud; what a faith based emotion.

But if she had every reason to be happy I'd hate her even more. I just hate happiness and pep mixed together for long periods of time. Happiness and pep are good in small doses, sort of like malt-o-meal or oatmeal with a bit of cinnamon in it, but after a while you just get fucking sick of it. Now bacon, that is something I could never get sick of. I could eat bacon night and day. Bacon is like mellow people. Always good to have around. I could even eat bacon with ice cream, yeah... fuck yeah.

You'd think depressive saps would be the scum of the earth but no, it is the exact opposite. Depressive saps are bad, but they're already too busy trying to kill themselves to make me want to complete the process. Instead, these happy peppy people feel the need to rub their high seretonin levels in my face. I want to burn down their houses to see them cry. This isn't jealousy talking, it's my sense of humanity.

I just want to show them pictures of starving kids in Somolia. And be like, "Listen to me you happy fuck. Everytime you laugh, a child will die of starvation." That'll get them.