On the nature of freaks and bums.

The world is a crazy place.

Correction: People inhabiting the world are crazy, the world itself isn't actually crazy

Correction: There should be a period after "crazy".

I say this because I went to Venice beach on Sunday. For those of you who are unaware, venice beach is to freaks as West Hollywood is to homosexuals. Which is to say, it is their natural environment. The freaks are left alone to roam, smoke pot, drink beer, play with themselves - one guy walks around begging for change to help him "get drunk" - and this is all appreciated behavior. Anything else would be civilized.

Oh fuck me I did not just seriously use a play on words. Just keep going Greg, keep going.

There was this one guy who looked like he was shipped in straight from Kenya. Skinny as bones, dressed up in imitation leopard loins and holding a plastic spear. There was a sign in front of him that read I AM A BUSHMAN. Occasionally he'd hop up and down and yell, "I can only do what I am, I am a bushman!". To which another bum/freak holding a beer in his hand responded, "How can you be a bushman if there aren't any bushes? You're at the beach man, you're dillusional". But the harsh words bounced off the bushman's impervious skin.

This is the kind of shit I live for. I love watching people who's brains aren't quite up to par. When the lights are on but nobody's home. Love it. Especially when it comes to bums. Bums have a special way of adapting to life - it's called insanity and its fun for the whole family.

Westwood has some good bums but they can sometimes be obnoxious. Inversely, they can also be downright friendly and hospitable. One time a bum came up to me and a friend for a cigarette. Conversation followed and we naturally drifted on to the topic of hookers and crack. The bum - what a champ he was - insisted that we come back to his alley and, being that he claimed to have a well-imbedded repoire with the local prostitutes, assured me that I could take a stab at any one of his usual gals, on the house. Then he asked me for five dollars on a pack of cigarettes.

I didn't give him any money but I almost always do spare whatever I can to bums because they need it. Although there was one time at the promenade where I realized my purpose for giving money to bums was purely selfish. I was with a chick (titties yay girls!) who felt particularly sorry for this blind lady in a wheelchair holding an offering's cup. I felt bad for this poor old sap as well. My allowance was fresh so I pulled out a whopping two dollars and placed it in the lady's foam cup. But she was blind. She had no idea a loving transaction had just occured. There was no thank you, no acknowledgement, nothing.

So why the fuck bother, right? I took my two dollars back out of the cup and bought a pretzel with it. Purely selfish, I tell ya.