Firewalking

So you know how I like to drink alot? I think I should maybe, I dunno I'm just throwing this out there, chill out a bit? I know, it's crazy, I can't believe I just said that. Who are you and what have you done to Greg? Really though, I keep a close monitor on the way I feel, I'm very privy to the delicate balance my body maintains, and lately I've just been fuuucked up. I feel slower. Like there's some ongoing joke out there and I'm the last one to laugh. Okay fuck the bullshit, I'll admit it. I'm getting a beer belly.

But whatever, that's a touchy subject and I don't want to talk about it. Kidding. I just think its slightly torturous to watch my abs and consolidated carbs battle it out on my goddamn belly. Beer may lose a battle but it has never lost a war, ya dig?

I did some firewalking last night. Sounded like a good idea at the time. There were the smoldering hot remnants of a bonfire in front of me and 10 bucks waiting at the end if I could pull it off. It was a small pit, two steps at the max. Sounded like a good idea at the time. 10 bux? Hells yes. I'm drunk. Watch me.

Seen it on TV, this ain't shit.

The moment I put a single foot onto those goddamn embers I yelped like a beaten puppy and jumped onto the sand, pouring beer all over my foot. A vein popped out in my forhead, I shed a tear, the pain was intense. Fire hurts man. I was afraid my foot would look something like cottage cheese. It didn't. Fuckin felt it though.

It didn't occur to me at the time that there's a difference between walking on coals and walking on embers. Embers break open when you step on them, exposing their fiery cores to my precious feet. Coals don't. My foot hurt all night. It's better now though, only first degree burns. I shoulda fucking meditated before I stepped on those embers. I shoulda levitated myself over them or some shit. That would have been more impressive.

I'm still proud of myself though. I think my balls finally dropped last night. Puberty, where have you been all this time? That was some manly shit to do if you ask me. Stupid, but manly. Who wants some dick?