God vs. American Engineering

There's an old-as-dinosaur-piss argument that goes about to say, everything in creation must have been intelligently designed. I'm not here to open that can of mashed potaters, but I would like to point something out.

See, us humans have the tendancy to primarily recognize positive occurances. Which is to say that it's much easier to notice things that happen as opposed to things that don't. So when it comes to intelligent design, we tend to only notice the "intelligent" things about our structure, while overlooking all the things that could be better, or make our design dumb as shit. Like a Ford.

For example, if we were truly intelligently designed,

1) Women's farts would smell like roses. Fuck it, men's farts would smell like roses too. That's a hell of a lot more "intelligent" than feeling like I'm being strangled everytime some fat guy rips one in line at the DMV. Farts can often be traumatizing, as on occasion I will wake up in the middle of the night sweating, because someone farted in my own goddamn dream.

2) There would be no fat people, only people who are "well-insulated". There is nothing "intelligent" about people who need to be crane lifted out of their own bedrooms.

3) Babies wouldn't be so dumb, and this whole "cognitive development" phase wouldn't need to exist. I would've popped out of the womb, sparked up a cigarrette, and walked around slapping doctors with my umbilical cord sayin, "Yo, which one of you nurse bitches wanna spank me?" Cuz that's just how Baby G-rizzle would do.

4) Alcoholism wouldn't cause liver problems. Instead, copious amounts alcohol consumption would result in increased articulation, better motor skills, sudden tight-rope walking abilities and clearer skin. Extreme cases of alcoholism would result in an overwhelming urge to read the Bible and find Jesus.

5) There would be no such things as car accidents. I mean, you've never seen two birds fly head on into each other, have you? Also, asian drivers would drive faster, make sharper turns, see over their steering wheel, decide which lane they wanted to stay in and remember to flip off their turn signals.

6) Dinosaurs would have never gone extinct. Instead, we'd be the dinosaurs and it'd be like that show they had on television with the pudgey little dinosaur baby. If I were a T-rex, I wouldn't have to worry about shit, I mean, I'm a T-rex bitch, what you got on me? I'll smack you with my stumpy little hands. And my girlfriend would be a taradactil, because I'd dig chics that fly.

7) White men would be able to dance. There is nothing "intelligent" about white people dancing like Doogie Howser meets Al Gore everytime they throw back one too many at wedding receptions. And this caucasion wallflower association at clubs isn't cutting it, either. God, you suck man, I just want to dance.

8) Eating Spaghettios would grant superhuman powers. Okay, maybe that's pushing it.

But you all catch my point. For every "intelligent" thing about us, there is something that only a dumbshit or American engineer could make. And there are a million unfathomable ways in which we could be better. Just something to think about. Now excuse me, I'm gonna go punt babies.