A conversation with greg's liver

A conversation with Greg's liver, as conducted by the legendary lesbian news anchor Katie Courick.

KC: Good evening folks, I'm here this evening with Greg's liver. Greg's liver, how are you doing this morning?
GL: Oh Katie, I'm doing just wonderful, thank you for asking! I'm sorry, did that come off as sounding sarcastic? Because I really didn't mean to sound sarcastic. I'm wonderful, really, come to think about it, I don't think I've ever felt this FUCKING dandy in a while. As a matter of fact, I feel like skipping through a FUCKING wheat field right now.
KC: My that was quite the outburst, can we use profanity?
(Producer:) Yes its okay, nobody reads Greg anyways.
KC: Okay then. Well, Greg's liver, I see you woke up on the wrong side of the body today. But moving along, how old are you?
GL: I'm 42 years old.
KC: Now I find that really interesting, because isn't Greg only 21 years old?
GL: That is correct.
KC: Uhuh. Um, Greg's liver- is there anything else I can call you other than Greg's liver?
GL: Well me personally, I don't have a name. I'm just a liver. But Greg gave me a nick name a while ago. He calls me The Destroyer 2000.
KC: And why did he giv-
GL: See I don't think Greg fucking understands how this shit works. I'm not here to work fucking miracles, I'm here to gradually purify toxins as they come, but last time I checked, I didn't see a fucking "Britta" sticker posted on my back.
KC: So are you sa-
GL: I'm saying Greg is a fucking retard who is hellbent on destroying me and my very existance.
KC: That is quite the profound accusation.
GL: No, no its not. A profound accusation would be calling the Pope a baby killer. This is just the truth.
KC: Wow, strong words from a strong liver.
GL: My entire body looks like Michael Gorbichov's head.
KC: Oh my, I thought those were birth marks.
GL: And that's why you're a dumb bitch. Could I get a cigarette?
KC: Greg's liver, excuse me! There is no need to get personal and no, there is no smoking in the studio.
GL: You're in Greg's living room. Now excuse me, you smell like a lesbian and Greg's drinking a redbull and vodka again. I'm heading back to work.