I'm not gay, I'm just well dressed.

So my accomplice over at http://hiroland.blogspot.com/ wrote a little diddy about getting hit on by a gay guys at the gym. I too, have been hit on by gay men. The most flattering homosexual assault that i have ever been victim to occured at church, where I was hit on by not one, not two, but three, homosexuals.

So i'm looking all fly with my collard baby blue shirt and snazzy pair of jeans when these three obvious homosexuals spot me from the pews and give me the down, up. No, i'm not gay, i'm just well dressed. Now I don't know what gave them the idea, but they're sitting there fixated on me as if this were France where you could do that type of shit, only with women, and guys who weren't gay. I don't know what set their gaydar off. Maybe my fly boyish charm made them think what they wanted to think - that i was a super silly sass boy who just LOVED watching the Bravo channel. Whatever the case was here i have three guys with homosexuality exuding from their pores, all trying to me ensnare me with their gay vibes and capture me as a 4th member for their little love trio.

And I"ll fucking admit it. I was flattered. Gay people thinking you're attractive still counts right? I mean, when was the last time you heard a gay guy say "That brad pitt just doesn't do it for me, his ass is too flat". My guess is, hotness remains more or less intact across the board. In that case, we should be thanking gay guys. At least gay guys have the balls (ironic huh?) to be obvious when they have sin in their eyes, and as long as you don't visualize anything, you're fine. I remember their stares made me feel so uncomfortable. I kept looking at the ground, as if i were a chic. Girls seem to do that all the time, like it were some sort of fight or flight reaction shit. When you're all walking past them on campus: you look at them, they catch your glance, then they look down as if the ground suddenly all the something held something new in stores besides its usual groundness.

Later on I'm in the bathroom taking a piss. Lo and behold, The Three Homosketeers come in behind me. Oh no. Please don't sodomize me. They started talkin about how the priest didn't seem too friendly to them. TALKING SHIT ABOUT MY PRIEST?? I was kinda heated. So I zip up, turn around, and say, "hey guys father T. is real cool, don't worry about it, he's real cool", then i left. Well, apparently they thought i was saying he was cool because I was gay and knew Father T didn't discriminate. Which supports my hypothesis - my impeccable boyish charm led them to misconstrue what i said because they wanted me to be gay, and I know this because well... As i was leaving, they were outside smoking cigarettes, and well...One of them... he fucking whistles at me as i walked by. Wtf, we're outside of church for chrissake. This isn't some homosexual catering Church where all the pews squeak cuz the patrons wear too much leather... Then, one of the gayer ones of the bunch runs up to me and hands me his number written on a church pamphlet. What a slut. Please don't do this to me. I would have told him i wasn't gay but that would have broke his little heart. And besides i probably wouldn't have been able to tell him anyways because he ran away right after like a little giggling schoolgirl. Teehee. I hope he's not still waiting by the phone.