So what's the deal with Kiwi?

I got the most bitching stomach ache right now, and I'm pretty sure its from eating Kiwi. That insidious little fruit. It's like the kiwi didn't digest, it just evaporated into fucking gases which have now expanded my stomach and rendered me feeling like a bloated mom going through menopause. But i am not a woman. And what the fuck is the deal with the kiwi? First off, its called a k-i-w-i. That's a pet name, not a fruit name. I don't see anyone going around naming new and exotic fruit "sparky", or "spot". I can hardly take a fruit seriously when its called a "kiwi". An apple, now there's a solid name. Or an orange, shiet can't rhyme with that... its a color too. But a kiwi? Sounds like a fruit for queers if ya ask me. Now let us contemplate actual appearance of this homosexual fruit. It's furry and brown on the outside, green on the inside with a white oval center and little black seeds circling its perimeter. Ain't that the damnest thing you'll ever see? This fruit is a fucking freak of nature if i've ever seen one. It's like evolution coughed, sneezed and farted at the same time and alas the kiwi was born.

COMMON SENSE FOR COMMON PEOPLE

Since i'm in the mood to bitch, i'm gonna talk about why i hate "common sense". Not because of what it is per se, but because of the people who fuckin swear by it. Only stupid people love common sense. Why? Because common sense is the only sense that the common (a.k.a relatively stupid) person can grasp, and likewise the only sense of intellect that they can ever take pride in having. To these dumb motherfuckers, common sense is intelligence in and of itself, sacred wisdom if you will. And shit on my nipples do they take pride in having it. They're like, "woooo! i have common sense! I can think of doing such simple tasks as turning off the lights before i leave the house, or adding more sugar to my coffee because there's not enough sugar in my coffee". I fucking swear, everytime i see a "Shaqueeta" on TV criticizing someone for not having "common sense" - and its probably just because the other person's mind was probably too busy thinking about smart, uncommon shit rather than common shit - I can't help to think, "damn "shaqueeta", you're fucking stupid". Because only stupid people really talk or care about common sense. Smart people are too busy being proud of their uncommon sense to really give a fuck about common sense, yet alone hold a person in contempt for lacking it. So remember, if you ever catch yourself blaming someone else for not having common sense, chances are, you're fucking stupid... you think you're smart, but you're just too stupid to realize you're stupid.