It's like, ya know?

For the third time in my life I was told I have a good "aura". First off I must ask, wtf is an aura and wtf is a semi-goth vegan wierdo doing telling me I have a good one? Could she not say something more applicable? Like, "Hey Greg, I think you're hot, I want to jump your bones". But no. Thank you semi-goth girl who told me about the goodness of my aura the other day, I love being complimented on things I have no idea about.

I don't mean to be too sarcastic though, this IS indeed a prestigious compliment, apparently. Everyone who's given it to me before made it seem that way. Still don't know what it means. I would have asked her what it meant but she seemed so serious about it, and I didn't want to put a damper on the complimento due to my ignoramus. So I just said, "Yeah I try to keep it groomed" and gave the good ole smile and nod. I think she was trying to tell me I give off good electrons, or that I had positive energy and all that hippie shit. To me, aura sounds like one of those words that is self-defining. Aaauurraaa. It just sounds like what it is. Whatever the fuck it is.

But as I mentioned before, this wasn't the first time someone noticed whatever it was they noticed. I was in the mall once when the girl I was with laid it on me.

"Greg, you have a good aura"

"I have no idea what that means"

"Well Greg, an aura is like.... ya know?"

"No I don't know. You paused after the word like, as if you were going to say something, then you got into telepathy mode and said nothing, then you expected me to know what you were talking about. That's pretty much what just happened right now."

"But that's the exact thing. I can't describe it, it's a sense. It would be like me describing what a lemon tastes like if you've never tasted it before"

"I'm going to Hot-Dog-on-a-stick."

Man I miss high school. Screw that girl though she eventually hurt Greg's heart. And what do to women who treated Greg poorly? We hiss at them. Hisssssss.

So now apparently an "aura" is just something we "sense". I can buy that. It's amazing at how much shit we just sense. Like today my spider senses were telling me I was about to get a phone call. What happened? I got a call 30 seconds later telling me to goto the beach. Err, the person on the other end told me to goto the beach, not the call. The call couldn't talk, it's simply the name of the process that allowed conversation between us two humans to exist. But see? I sensed that!

My senses are bomb yo. I can sense two flies fucking in my sleep. That's how good they are. And sure enough, sometimes I"ll wake up and sense sex in the air. I'll look to my bedpost and lo and behold are two gnats, fucking. The one with the bigger wings is hitting the one with the smaller wings doggy style. Then they change positions and start doing it missionary until the male gnat's eyes roll into the back of his head, and I sense the pleasure juices in the air. Then I kill the fuckers because my bedpost ain't a fucking hotel room.