I know why the gregory sings

(this one was posted on myspace. You need some backstory. I crashed my car in a parking lot at my work. I ran into a parked car. Okay there you go)

One of my problems is that I tend to think other people are better than me. The logic I base this assumption on is irrational half the time and I know it. Like, I could literally see someone and think, "wow that guy has a Sonicare toothbrush, he is better than me." I guess I give people too much credit. I think everybody's blogs are better than mine too. And if you feel inclined to contest this, just shut the hell up. You're actually not reading this right now, you don't read crap, you think its for hillbillies and lowbrows. Instead, you choose to read Dan, The Universal Heartthrob.

I don't know why I think these things, I guess it feels so good to feel so bad. Yeeeah it feels so goood to feel so baaaad, yeeeah... But I did realise the other day that I tend to self-handicap myself. Self-handicapping is when you set yourself up for failure so you don't have to deal with the prospect of failing, having actually tried. It makes the failure hurt less basically, and the less I hurt, the less drugs I do. Yeeeah, the less I huurrt, the less druuuugs I doooooo, woaaah, yeeeaah (x2)

I don't know, does this make me a pussy? I'm just such a spaceball and I have issues with growing up. I feel so incompetant sometimes. Like this whole crashing my car deal. I dropped a taquito okay??? I dropped a taquito, I go down to pick it up and when I look up, I crash into the back of a fucking car. THATS HOW IT HAPPENED. YOU HAPPY NOW? First of all, fuck taquitos. Second of all, its just like... ya know?

I got my estimate back from the shop. Six grand to fix. I don't have six grand. So I'm going to get my insurance to pay it. But I don't even have enough money to pay my premium. Because did I mention my work pays me in Jolly Ranchers? Yeah its delicious but totally not handy at times like these. 8.50 an hour is what I really get paid. I'm worth SO much more than that, but do they realize that? No. Do they see this little light of mine shine? No. But I take the damn near abusive pay rate because I'm too lazy to switch jobs and I like to be spanked in new, sometimes metaphorical ways.

One of these days I'm going to open up something. It's gonna be real big and have a bunch of shops inside, complete with multiple stories, elevators, escalators, fountains and benches. I'm going to call it a "mall" and I'm going to make millions. That'll show my work what creativity I'm truly capable of, and they'll be fucking sorry they didn't pay me at least 9 an hour. And if any of your fuckers jack that idea I'll bleed your for your sangre.

So in conclusion, I suck. But please, don't take this as one of those, "Oh say nice things because I'm feeling needy tonight" posts cuz its totally not. You could say nice things if you want, like "Greg, spank me, grab me, pull my hair" or "I want both your penis and balls inside of me" but its totally not required. I'm actually in a good mood tonight but I felt a little sincerity was due. This is one of my demons, this makes me feel pain inside. Feeel paaain insiiiiide, woooooooaaah, like needles in my heaaart, paaaain, how many of us have iiiit...