Sorry ma'am, you cannot trade in your baby because he's ugly

So my English teacher gave me the topic for my extra credit essay today - does "ugly" exist? Damn this man has sized me up. He could have given me something PC like teachers tend to do, such as "does beauty exist?". But he knows I shine the most when i get to pee on things. What can i say, I guess i'm just a pee-ssimist. HOLY SHIT I HIT THAT ONE OUT OF THE PARK. But he brought up a rather interesting question. Does ugly exist?

Of course for the sake of simplicity i am tempted to say, "of course ugly exists i see it every day, and it usually has legs". But of course its not that simple. If i were a samurai, i would probably sit around all day sipping misu soup, with my shoes off of course, and pondering the question, "what is ugly to a rock?". Because there is no ugly to a rock. Ugly is a concept so of course, it is only applicable to those who can cognate concepts and that leaves us. Or does it?

What about animals? Certainly they must have a very primal, intuitive sense of what is pleasing or displeasing to the eye. I can recall on various occasions certain creatures as being ultimately fond of me, yet i had no scents in my possession that may have aroused their olfactory senses. I am therefore left to conclude, and i shall set my modesty aside for the moment, that I was the most pleasantly symmetrical face in the room and therefore meritorious of their copulations on my leg.

But this still does not bridge the gap between qualitative reality and just plain "atomic" existance. I think, perhaps, an even more intruiging question is what came first - was the concept of ugly hiding in the fold of an uncognated reality, waiting to be perceived at the very moment a perceiver came about? Or did it simply emerge as a pragmatic offshoot of the brain, befitting to our evolutionary needs and developed over time so that it may find its very own hue on a spectrum of what is perceived. How the fuck should I know? I ain't no fucking expert at this shit. Ugly exists, her name is Shaqueeta.