Who doesn't like Bagels?

If you showed a monkey a porno that featured only monkey sex, do you think he'd become aroused? He should be smart enough to know a good thing when he sees it, right? And monkies are pretty smart, they might even be smarter than babies. Or what about dolphins? I hear dolphins are super smart, like really, they should be wearing glasses and shit. Imagine little flipper flappin his fins all happy-like. I remember this one time, I saw a website explaining to humans how to make love to a dolphin. Apparently that aquatic pussy is the real motherfuckin deal. And sheep are so unappreciative and yesterday's story. But back to porno. We can't be the only animals to enjoy porno. I think it'd be cute to watch animals as they viewed porn.

I love porno. These porno haters really need to back off. I don't think its possible to degrade a woman any lower than the average male's mind already has. Take me for example, I like to get messy. I've had motzarella sticks, egg rolls, corn-on-the-cob, hard boiled eggs, the works. I make delicious salads in my noggin. The least I can do is watch a porno and pretend thats my king sized dick on the screen.

Which is why i like a porno with a good reality factor. So I don't like the high budget porno flick. I feel that it's too artificial, too contrived. Plus, they always feel the need to get an upclose of the guy's face right before the cumshot. As if they were trying to kill mine. I swear its a conspiracy to fuck up my flow, so I'd be forced to keep watching the movie. And they always have music in the background. Is this really necessary? Is cheesy, unsexy synth music jammin' from a Casiotone really the icing on the cake for a bucking hardcore fuck scene? Because I'd beg to differ. I prefer to hear the crystal clear resonation of sweaty balls slapping against red cheeks.

But that's just me.

Am i still talking about masturbation?