Yo peeps this be back in the mothafuckin dayz

So I was fucking this guy in the ass right? He reaches around and starts tickling my balls, and I'm like, "DUDE! Are you gay?"

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Have you ever been on the playground as a child when someone called you a dumbhead or something of a hurtful nature? Whenever someone used to call me names, I'd always say, "well, it takes one to know one!" That got them every time. What was their comeback? Silence.

It's not like anybody made fun of me though, I just had the tendancy to upset people. I guess you could say I was a bit of a... different, child. I had a precocious intellect and I was a rebel in every sense of the word. I once drew a picture of a gay dog in second grade, he was wearing a beret. In Kindergarten I made a papier mache of Jesus on the cross, smiling. Then there was that time where I shat in the tub and called my parents over, thinking they'd find it as funny as I did. I stopped laughing pretty quick though. At school i used to intertwine staples together and throw them over the wall to the car wash on the other side, waiting to hear people's tires pop, but they never did. During recess when I played kickball, I would run the bases in a completely unpredictable manner. Sometimes I'd kick the ball and head off to third, sometimes I'd shoot past the pitcher straight to second, sometimes I'd steal first base... ya never knew with me. Then, when everybody got real pissed off, I'd act confused like an asian tourist and say, "Wha? Heey? me so sowwy me so sowwy". After a while nobody wanted me to play on their team. I didn't like kickball anyways. True stories.

Okay don't mind me anymore I'm just gonna start reminiscing with myself about the past. Deep breath... ahhh, memories. I remember in fifth grade I used to have the biggest crush on this girl the grade below me, but everytime I tried to talk to her I'd feel the urge to vomit. She was either that beautiful or I was just that gay. Either way, I still bear the emotional scars of having never asked her out. She always had a goddamn boyfriend. Slut. Okay sorry I didn't mean that, I guess i just hate what i can't have. Hate it, hate it, hate it!!!

If only I saw her today. How I'd ravage her. She probably has a bunch of kids. Okay fuck! I didn't mean that either. This love... this hate, its tearing me apart, tearing up my heart. Time to bust out the binoculars and yellow pages, along with some big unibomber sunglasses and a creepy look on my face. It's time to do some stalking.