Ain't No Tellin

My temper is like a gay dog. It may bark sometimes but ultimately, it just sounds cute. This is no secret though, people seem to know I lack the ability to become angry and some may take advantage. Sometimes my brother will sock me. Like any self-loving individual, I tell him nicely that he should respect my personal bubble. He socks me again. I give an apathetic, "stooop". He laughs at the cuteness and socks me again. This time I say, "stooop iiit" in hopes that the "it" will add the extra emphasis needed to make him stop. But he continues. Finally, I come with a quick sucker punch straight to his dome, and he hits the floor in a cold heap. Then I look at him with crazy-eyes and tell him that if I ever have to bust my knuckles on his face again, I'll knock the rest of his teef to the back of his throat. Cuz I come with that inertia homie, the muhfuckin 1,2... So you best step back cuz when I come, I come correct.

Okay I just made that shit up, he'd flush my head down the toilet.

Ironically though, when I was little it was having too much of a temper that was my problem. I had iiisues. I can't remember how many fights I had in elementary, probably about 5 good ones and countless scuffles. I was always beating someone’s ass. My most memorable fight was when I was in 3rd grade, yes... 3rd grade. I beat up a 4th grader who later, ironically enough, became one of the main characters in an action packed Power Ranger's spinoff show called Beetle Borgs on FOX KIDS. The story goes like this.

I'm chillin with my 3rd grade peeps on the courts after school. We’re just minding our own business, shootin some hoops and kickin it. Beetle Borg comes over with his crew of fourth graders, asking if we wanted to play a game of ball. I wasn't down for no perspiration, I was just trying to play my game of HORSE.

So I tell him, "nah".

He comes up to me and says, "Oh yeah? You don't want to play? What are you, sissy?"

I say, "Yo mama".

Homeboy just got dissed, so he grabs the ball out of my hands and starts running with it like a sissy boy. The muhfuckin’ chase was on. I catch up to him with the speed of a cheetah and kick the ball out of his hands, but Beetle Borg thought I was kickin at him, so he turns around and throws a swing at my pretty face. To make a long story short, they had to tear me off him. I could’ve shown mercy but there ain’t no telling what I do when I get the crazy eyes.

He started crying like a baby while I leveled off from my straight killah mindset, but I walked away knowing I’d just taught homeboy a valuable lesson. Don’t fuck with the G-reg (pronounced “Gee Reg”). Cuz I’m a gangstah. Now that I had regulated on a 4th grader, the news spread like wildfire throughout the hood. Next thing I know, I'm getting daps from all my peeps, while Beetle Borg was left shedding salt behind some dumpster where nobody could see him. I got suspended from school for a day, but if that’s the best they can do, then I laugh in their general muhfuckin direction.

Cuz I'm gangstah