Subway-sexual

My dad is so funny. He has this habit of making up words, without knowing he made them up, and passing them off without batting an eye. He was just on the phone and I caught him saying (in regards to retirement or something), "Yeah you've got to really guard them. You've got to be really guardive of those years". Guardive. What a useful adjective. Too bad it doesn't exist. Silly pops, he's a sharp tool but not the type one would want to use when cutting thick objects. I called him on his blunder and he said, "Hey man don't sweat it, I'm so sharp it blows your mind". "Okay dad, if you're so sharp then go cut the tags off my new clothes". Har Har!! Cuz I got new clothes. Hell yeah.

I love new clothes, because I'm a guy, and never get them. Girls buy clothes every goddamn weekend. And they buy new shoes like, everyday. I get new clothes about once a year, so when I finally get some new threads, some pimped out kicks, some bangin fabric, I can't help to feel so fresh and so muhfuckin clean.

I was actually contemplating a pink shirt, then I slapped myself for even thinking it. I'd probably look good in a pink shirt, but no one can just casually wear a pink shirt, there's always a motive. Usually the guy wants to say, "Hey look at me, I'm secure with my sexuality!" and even then, its not as if gay people wear pink. Homosexuals prefer to express their flamboyancy with purple or rainbow colored fabrics, not pink. So mainly the dude is just trying to gain brownie points from girls, but that isn't my bag. I'm not trying to illustrate my feminine side by playing DJ Switch-It-Up on the tables and blurring the lines of what is expected as far as gender specific colors go. If I wanted to brown-nose, I'd wear a shirt that said, "I Like To Cuddle" instead.

Yeah I like to embrace after I hump, is that a problem?

I like to tan as well, is this a chic thing to do? Sex called tanning a "metrosexual" act but I beg to differ, my love. Male or female, brown just makes people look better, so I'm gonna take advantage of this sexy pigment. And most guys will too. We're low key about it, we're not calling each other up like, "Yo bro lets goto the beach and tan... Lets fucking tan!". But what guy doesn't want a tan? Unless he's really fucking Irish or dark. Black people for example, aren't too crazy bout the beach. I've never seen a black dude laying out on a towel. NEVER. When black people come to the beach, they come fully clothed, smoke a blunt by the shore, look around at chics, then go home. That's it. That's all the business black people have at the beach.

White boy me is sprawled out on a towel with my board shorts pulled down to the outer rim of my pubes, reapplying tanning lotion every 30 minutes. Gotta get that tan. Pasty white is like, totally winter.