Tuesday, August 15, 2006


I gluttoned myself yesterday. I cracked. And I farted smelly, smelly poo-gas all day as a result. But that's neither here nor there. I'm not on any sort of diet, btw.

But I do eat healthy. Very healthy. I'm a bit of a health freak, actually. Not in a wierd way. I don't drink any new age antioxidant drinks that will make me shit out organs, but I do read the nutrition facts of just about everything I'm about to consume. And I actually take them into account. I count my protein, carb, and saturated fat intake.

Ever since I started doing this, I haven't lost a single pound. My penis doesn't hang looser like I hoped it would neither. Naturally I've began to have my doubts. I don't feel any "happier". I just want some fucking pancakes, really. I haven't touched fast food, except for El Pollo Loco ("the crazy chicken" you crackers) in about 4 months, and now I just want a big mac.

I was beginning to think about food more than I thought about sex. I was even combining the two, and eating while having sex. In my fantasies, while my lean stomach and blood-filled nether regions pounded against some young asian schoolgirl's vagina, I'd be stuffing an eggroll in my mouth. Or if she was italian, some pizza. Or if she was mexican, a taco. So on and so fourth.

Yeah... so the other day I couldn't take it anymore. The whole eating healthy shit. It's for the birds. I didn't want my customers faces transmorphing into giant hamburgers and shit. I've seen the movies. I know what desire can do. So when I walked into the break room and saw an entire sleeve of cinnamon rolls sitting on the counter, I made quick with my opportunity to eat... oh i don't know, the whole motherfucking thing. To give you an idea of how many calories I consumed at the moment - wait I calculated it - it was 850.

Before you call me a metrosexual, or a sissy-gay-boy, that's alot. The daily recommended amount of calories you need a day is 2,000. I had just eaten almost half that. But that's not the worst part. The worst part is that bread takes a long time to digest, so I felt full and sick for hours. And I farted smelly poo-gas all day. My farts didn't even smell like cinnamon roll. They smelled like poo-gas. The kind that people explode from if you light a match. I've seen the movies. I know what poo-gas can do. This blog could have never been made.

But today I'm gonna hop right back into eating healthy. The only reason I gluttoned myself was because I hadn't hit the gym in a while, and when that happens, my so called diet starts to slip. Which is why its so important that alcoholics attend all of their AA meetings. It's also important for them to stop drinking. But the meetings are important too. But yeah, I'm off to the gym. Don't do drugs.