No comment

Dear Gay people,

What on God's green earth gave you the idea? Was channeling your rebellious ways through tattoos and piercings not enough? Now all of the sudden you have to be sexual desperados? I just can't imaaagine. What ever gave you the idea to become so enticed by, dear me, another mans.. penis? Were your heterosexual roots at birth not enough? Sure, phallic objects have a naturally grace-like structure, I suppose. But to be so amused as to actually want to pleasure yourself to them? Sexually? Or even worse, to be pleasured BY them? I just can't imaagine. Gay people, why must your apples be so rotten?

Sincerely,
A Concerned Christian Mother

PS. Stay the fuck away from my kids.

Okay I made the above letter up. I just wanted to poke fun of certain people's beliefs. I"ll be honest though, when it comes to people like the above, it's hard for me to poke fun. The humor gets in the way of another emotion; one that compells me to tie them to the back of my car and drive around the city. I wouldn't care that their friction with the road was adding extra strain, thus extra gas mileage on my car. I'd simply be looking for the most isolated and unkempt dumpster around. And if they're still alive by the time I reached the dumpster, I'd slip a plastic bag over their head and punt them around a couple times. Because I just watched the Superbowl. But if they're too heavy to punt I could always just cut to the chase and put them in the dumpster. I'd rather punt them though.

Now, anyone who knows me well is aware that I have some issues when it comes to anger. Particularly in the sense that, I can't be angered enough. Kick me in the nuts and I'll just look up at you with big tears in my eyes and ask, "why did you do that to me?" It's horrible really. Don't get me wrong, I come with that motherfuckin Bruce Lee shit if need be, but that's neither here nor there. Because when it comes to people who treat logic as if it were a third wheel on their romantic date with their own fucking ideals, I tend to get angered to the point of inarticulation. If I'm dining out and someone says something religiously ignorant, or even just plain ignorant, I typically have to excuse myself to the bathroom so I can pee on that pink urinal tablet and inhale it's soothing vapors. Even as I'm zipping up my fly, I'm zipping it up, furiously.

I guess I'm just amazed at how people who foster supernatural beliefs set themselves up as being more sensible or "in tune" than you and I, when they're really just being intellectually irresponsible. Since when did piecing together ideologies become equivalent to a choose-your-own-adventure novel? Didn't that fad die out already? And isn't basing beliefs on sheer wilfulness a rather egocentric approach to the truth? What's so wrong with saying "no comment"? And not in a politician's sort of way. I mean in a sincere, "How the fuck should I know" sort of way.

And I know there's bigger, better things to be pissed off about. Another person's lack of thoughtfulness isn't my problem, right? Try telling that to my emotions. They get pissed off anyways. Then the next thing you know, my right hand is slapping a hoe. More sex I suppose, right Sex?