A-I-Y-A

Everybody has their kinks they can't seem to help. We all have that friend who's laugh sounds like two goats fucking, or that buddy who cries and talks about existentialism every time he gets drunk. Those kinks bug me, but what makes me laugh are the sounds people make when startled. Like, if I suddenly threw a bunch of noodles at your head, what queer sound would you make? Would it be a "Waaaaa!"? How about a "Yiiii!"? A "Fuck"? Or perhaps an "Oh no I'm suddenly covered in noodles", if you're the non-reactive type. For the most part though, these sounds just fly out.

But here's some ginchy humor for you all. Whenever something startling happens to Asians, I swear to god the funniest sound comes out. It goes like this: "AIIIYAAAAAAA". Ahaha, isn't that shit FUNNY?? If you've heard this before, you're laughing. If you haven't, imagine a "HIYA" before a karate chop, but remove the "HI" part from the "YA" and replace it with an "AI" or e-y-e sort of sound. Then draw it out - eeyyyaaaaaaaa. And of course add the Asian accent. Its way funny.

I could seriously go up to any of my cousins and be like, "Hey there's a roach on the ground."

"AAIIIYAAAAA!........ quick, kill it for me!"

The "AAIIYAAA" comes out so fast, the ensuing words just trail behind all slow like Helen Keller standing in line at the DMV. I'm telling you, its the funniest reflex and it cannot be helped. Which is a bit disconcerting to me because today I spilled some soy sauce and well, I let out a little "AIIII!". It was little folks, trust me. And don't worry there was no "YAAA" afterwards. I suppose since I'm half Asian I only squeak out a half "AIYA". Makes sense.

Shit I just realized the irony of yelping like a Chinese man after spilling soy sauce. I didn't pick up on that. Kikoman is just so natural to me. I was eating with chopsticks too, fuckoff people.

But to clarify to those of you that may not know, I am half Chinese half Mexican, which basically means I'm smart, I wear glasses, and I tan well. I just want to make it clear that I"m not pure Asian. Not that I'm ashamed of my culture, I'd just rather not be associated with those people.

And I don't make fun of Mexicans cuz they may kill me.